Definitely NSFW & 18+. If you’re younger you must leave. My personal
blog following my late in life attempts to rediscover myself as a
sexual being. I’m not finding it easy going. I don’t hold back,
I’m stupidly honest. I learn a lot on my way & get criticised for
being too cautious & sensitive. But I try & learn from my, mostly not
great, experiences. This is not the time of life to be looking for
meaningful sex & in the context of a relationship with some prospect
of going somewhere. I can’t just fuck. It’s not me. If you want to
know about me then read this. It’s all here.I was going to say my
search was over, well it was. I met the man of my dreams. In fact
I’d known him about as long as I’ve had this Tumblr. 19th Nov 2014
we finally came clean about how strongly we felt about each other. Two
weeks later he decided, only him, not me that I was to be only a
friend again. That was the start of a roller coaster ride that taught
me nobody can be trusted if you let them walk all over you. The man of
my dreams, my oldest friend, turns out to be the most dishonest and
inadequate man of them all. I fell apart and then I came to my senses.
He’s the problem, he lied to me, used me and made a fool of me. I
emerge stronger, I hope. It’s going to take time to explain it all
and I need to do that for myself. I’m partly to blame, I let him lie
to me and I put up with more than most women would. I need to learn
from that but I finally found my self-respect and my spine. He needs a
lot of help but not from me, I did try, he refuses, he’s faultless,
he’s happy being as screwed up as he is.I’d said, as a result of
that mess, after he almost broke me, that my naive search was over. I
get tired of being a target. I’ve been lied to, let down, abandoned,
criticised, trolled, forced to fit in to boxes that don’t allow me
to be me, and judged by too many men. So nobody gets to do that to me
again. I hope I find what I’m looking for, no more compromises, no
more lies. If I don’t I’ll survive but there are good men out
there still. I know I’m old. I don’t look it, I don’t feel it
but that’s what all the old people say isn’t it? When you’re old
I promise you, if you’re lucky, you’ll say it too. If you’re
unlucky you’ll revel in succumbing to the numbers, plenty of my
friends have.So if you’re unhappy get the hell out. If you’re
abused then never forgive - they don’t change. If something great
comes along then grab it, once you absolutely trust that it’s
actually real. If they start lying to you challenge them, or get out,
if they keep lying walk, they won’t ever change. Learn from my
mistakes, what I put up with, don’t fall for it like I (once) did.
You only live once, don’t end up full of regrets. Such a cliché but
learn to love yourself, that’s my next challenge. Oh and alone,
don’t end up alone, unless it’s by choice, or then that’s a fate
worse than death. Pictures are either my own, reblogged from here or
found here or elsewhere on the Internet - please let me know if you
own the rights or would like one removed.
