YOU have suspended my daughter. You, who’s meant to be educating her for six hours a day but can’t cope with a bit of challenging behaviour. And now the vicious cow’s at home.
THE Vatican has cracked down on a rash of rogue miracles with new guidelines on supernatural phenomena. Will you be toeing the line?
A RECORD number of UK families cannot afford to buy absolutely everything they want, it has emerged.
It's news to us
TAKING the piss out of other countries is generally seen as xenophobic, but sometimes it’s fair enough. Like in these cases.
THE under-30s are entering into mortgage agreements so long they will have paid off their student loans before the end of them, estimates suggest.
ONLOOKERS are uncertain of how to respond after realising that a man mansplaining to a woman is in fact technically correct and entirely right to do so.
https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/mansplaining-man-actually-correct-20240508247571
THINKING your country is inherently better than all the rest is hilarious when that country is not the UK, it has emerged.
MIDDLE-AGED women seeing 20-something girls dressed in cargo pants, faux fur gilets and bandanas have confirmed that they are delighted by how ugly modern fashions are.
A WHITE man is so committed to saying sorry for all the crimes of his kind that he effectively is not a white man, he believes.
It's news to us
DO you love Taylor Swift so much you send death threats to people who give her new album a vaguely unfavourable review? You are mad. Like these other obsessives.
It's news to us
PEOPLE suddenly finding the ‘love of their life’ when they are 35, exhausted and realise they cannot afford to buy a house may not just be a big coincidence, experts have confirmed.
YOUR child has been condemned to educational subnormality and a career washing wheelie bins by being denied their first-choice primary. How should you freak out?
ATTEMPTING to convince yourself physical decline, burdensome responsibilities and heightened stress are a good thing? Here’s why you’re so glad to be in your thirties.
POST Office bosses knew Horizon was crap all along and that it was screwing over innocent postmasters. We asked you how justice should be served to these bastards.
CAPTION the above image of a police cat, and the funniest wins a Daily Mash mug. Send entries to info@thedailymash.co.uk before next Friday.
https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/write-a-caption-and-win-a-mash-mug-3-20240412246709
A BULGARIAN criminal gang has stolen a record £53.9 million with fake Universal Credit claims over four years. So how unfeasibly angry does it make you, and should you call an ambulance?