Purveyor of Pleasure » Introspection

Sitting and watching the minutes tick away until it is 8 hours to my surgery (or at least, the start time they’ve given me), when I’m no longer allowed to eat. I am wondering how much I’ll ...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2018/10/04/eight-hours/

I had the pre-op appointment on Thursday. I felt so much better after the appointment, not just because of the information that was given to me, but moreso because the level of care, compassion, ...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2018/09/30/four-days-to-top-surgery/

I posted this initially in my top surgery support group on facebook, but posting it on here for archival purposes. So… it has been 10/11 days since I scheduled the surgery, and I’m finally co...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2018/09/15/20-days-to-surgery-backposted/

I can’t sleep lately. Well, I’m having trouble getting to sleep is more accurate. Once I’m also I can go 7-9 hours in a row without a problem if I have nothing else scheduled for those hour...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2018/01/04/cant-sleep-lately/

I don’t track it anymore, not in months, and often not even in years. It’s part of me now in a way I don’t have to think about. If I’m pressed to think about it, as I am requesting of mys...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2017/09/25/not-yet-three-years/

i. my vacillating heart can’t decide if it’s joyous or despairing completely. the not-so-secret secret is: I’m terrified. I’m pushing up against my own desires and fears (often made of th...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2017/07/30/leveling-up/

You fell in love with my divinity My priest/ess My most-best self. I fell in love with your brokenness Your dark and trembling Your wounded vulnerability I wanted to know how I could be so vulner...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2016/12/03/late-night-poetry-untitled/

Onyx and I are currently in Stavanger, Norway visiting his family. We have already been to London, and are heading on to Oslo, Prague, Amsterdam, and Bridport, England. The following is inspired ...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2016/06/23/i-am-here/

I sunk into myself recently. Stopped remembering how to be anything but internal, to exist in any way but as a hermit. I wrapped that supposed cocoon around me, but I did not become a butterfly. ...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2016/04/22/paralysis/

As I lie in bed getting ready to sleep tonight, I think of you. Yet again. This is especially the time my thoughts turn to you, when I’m too tired to resist them wandering in your direction, wh...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2016/03/29/i-want-to-be-the-lover/

I want you to find the constellations in my freckles This map that the sun has called forth from my body Each a little mystery, a portal into me Opening myself to you. I want to know you fully an...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2016/02/27/deep-into-me/

Selfies are the self-portraits of this current technological age. They tell you a lot about how the person sees themselves; how they want to be seen by others. The angle, the tilt of their head, ...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2016/02/17/on-the-love-of-self-and-selfies/

I just can’t seem to get anything fully out of me. Or I just can’t finish anything. I try to write and leave drafts abandoned. I have started reading so many books that I have never finished....

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2016/01/29/never-finished-only-abandoned/

I’m covered in bug bites. Woke up early enough to see the Saturn/Venus conjunction (in the upper right corner of the above image, just barely able to be seen in the image, but very visible in t...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2016/01/09/thoughts-from-puerto-rico-day-four/

I got lost somewhere along the way. I often think I wasn’t supposed to look like this. I think life wasn’t supposed to be like this. Somewhere my voice got lost. I forgot to speak up, then I ...

https://www.ofpleasure.com/2015/12/17/lost/