"I’ll be extending Freshers Week to a whole month, slashing prices on snakebite in the Students Union and doing everything I can to encourage chlamydia."
This is a big step for me: betrothing myself to a person who, in some lights, resembles a furry baked bean.
I AM going through hell being preggers and puking my guts all day long, while that Kim Kardashian gets to lounge around drinking Cristal.
https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/features/agony-aunt/ask-holly-who-is-the-princess-here-20170907135306
NOEL Edmonds came to see me backstage after an S-Club gig and told me I could be young forever.
WHEN I grow up I am going to get married to myself.
In the reception class there are several girls called Daenerys, two boys called Eleven and a boy called Soprano.
"When I said 'meep', I meant 'let's formally investigate this issue and use our findings as an evidence base on which the British public can make an informed, reasoned decision.'"
"Donald Jr has a good heart but he is weak, and stupid, and this is life and death."
Dear Holly, I've decided I can't be arsed being royal anymore. I'd much rather live life as a lowly pleb in a tiny house with a rubbish car and a dreadful job. Harry, Windsor
WHEN I grow up I'm going to get some plastic surgery and wear loads of make-up.
ALL the adults are too busy posting socialist memes on Facebook.
WHOEVER invented work and school was a complete idiot.
CHRISTIANS must have cheerful faces full of joy, yet my recent house guest has left me with a foul grimace and a heavy heart.
Dear Holly, Can you help me come up with an insult that is more accessible to the ignorant underclasses? Yours, Boris
THE only things that properly scare me are Mister Maker's eyes and my granny's enormous pink knickers.
THEY gave me a can of fizzy pop and told me to stand with a crowd of hippies.
MY granny also thinks Daniel O'Donnell is sexy so she is clearly off her head.
MY teacher, Edwina Pringle, probably has Love Actually in her top three films.
NEWSFLASH: Maths is for losers.
"It's becoming more and more of a struggle to look at my own big smug face staring back at me."