Nature Wants to Eat You

We’re gonna need a bigger boat. And grenades. Maybe a tank. These are the jaws of Megalodon - a close relative of the great white shark that is, mercifully, extinct. It was much larger, as ch...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/14509081552

Frog eats insect - this is the natural order of things. The Epomis beetle spits upon the natural order of things, then latches onto its face with double-hooked jaws and eats it alive. The beetl...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/14409973678

What’s scarier than a centipede? A centipede that sprints. The house centipede has the same poison fangs that normal centipedes do, but they can move towards you at great speed thanks to its...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/14308136160

Here’s the mouth of the reticulated python; behind it lies up to 10 metres of snake. Fortunately, you’ll never have to know what it’s like to be swallowed by this mouth. GOOD NEWS! Unfortun...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/14213742151

The pork tapeworm (Taenia solium) doesn’t really have any jaws, or a mouth. Cool. It only latches onto your guts with the grappling hooks on its face. No biggie. And it can grow to several metr...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/14114480128

Everyone loves cookies. Cookies are fun! The Cookie Monster is cute! Yes, well the fun and cute end with the cookie-cutter shark, because the “cookie” in its name is more accurately describ...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/13921942222

The greater honeyguide leads humans to honey, in exchange for a few sweet combs. That’s nice, isn’t it? Yes, well, it’s all fun and games until you brutally stab-murder your foster-siblings...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/13541096216

What’s worse than venomous snake fangs? Really long venomous snake fangs. And those of the Gaboon viper’s are the longest in the world - up to 2 inches in some cases. As in all vipers, the fa...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/13540891367

The stoplight loosejaw can dislocate its head and lunge its jaw at food, a trick that many of us have surely tried but few have succeeded at. Note that the lower jaw has no floor to it. Source:...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/13450236784

This post is NSFA (not safe for arachnophobes). I don’t honestly know why I bothered writing that because if any of you *are* arachnophobes (or, for that matter, sentient), you are currently co...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/13199265512

I need a hippo I’m holding on for a hippo ‘til the end of the night He’s gotta be strong And he’s gotta be fast And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight

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A lot of these entries are meant in jest. These animals appear terrifying, but they rarely if ever attack humans. Here, however, is a mouth that is ACTUALLY terrifying because it kills millions o...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/12963012574

Hey, remember the squid beak? Once you get past the beak, things get worse. Squid and octopuses are molluscs, like snails and slugs. Most molluscs have a thin ribbon inside their mouths called a...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/12876458968

Two things make spitting cobras more terrifying than your average venomous snake. The first is obvious: they have projectile weapons. The second is less so: they can see into the future. There ...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/12784126150

The gelada has two threat displays: it raises its eyebrows to display the pink skin underneath, and it pulls its lip over its face to turn itself into a terrifying long-toothed demon. Yeah, I�...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/12641708051

The goblin shark can transform from a terrifying fish into a REALLY terrifying fish that’s suddenly a lot closer to you. Its jaws can shoot forwards (the money shot in the video above is at 00...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/12598376531

These terrifying chompers belong to a rather cuddly-looking worm called Lepidonotopodium, that lives in hot deep-sea vents off the western coast of Canada. It fees on hope bacteria and other micr...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/12553430983

We’re gonna need a bigger boat. And some guns. Lots of guns. This is the goliath tigerfish. It can grow up to 5 feet in length and is found in the Congo river system. If you happen to be swim...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/12516542497

The antlion loves ants. It loves them so much that it digs a slippery, conical deathpit house of fun, just for them. Sweet! Ants that stray into it slip downwards; if they manage to get a foothol...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/12511901189

The giant squid gets a lot of press, but here’s the animal that would really make me soil myself: the Humboldt squid. They grow up to 2m in length, each of their suckers has a hook in it, and t...

https://naturewantstoeatyou.tumblr.com/post/12473044419