The EM Log

Of course, that's to be expected - we're submariners. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received as a nub, other than “don’t piss off A-gang”, was to always bring sunscreen on patrol...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2010/08/sun-hates-us.html

One of the most demoralizing, yet ever-so-typical things I was forced to do as a nub was clean the officers' head. Nothing clues you in to the fact that two years of training doesn't mean jack li...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-buddy-john.html

I'm stuck here doing laundry today, and it occurs to me that about the only useful thing I learned in boot camp (aside from how to tell if a girl has VD) was the ability to professionally fold an...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2010/08/laundry-day.html

This one is a music video (updated link - it was originally set to Metallica's All Nightmare Long, but youtube made us change it): -> CLICKY

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/04/more-fun-with-youtube.html

...and it will happen again: --> CLICKY

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/04/all-of-this-has-happened-before.html

So I'm sitting around this morning, thinking about what a fuck-tard my division officer is. The fact that it's Saturday and my whole division is here with me might give you some clue why I'm thin...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/04/new-new-pay-system.html

I went to my first boat in the fall of ‘73 fresh out of prototype and without the benefit of sub-school). Not long after I experienced life under the waves for the first time. In addition to th...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/04/ship-will-be-firing-water-slugs.html

Just a quick reminder: next Saturday (March 28th) marks the 30th anniversary of the destruction of the TMI-2 plant. People often say the lesson learned is "believe your indications", but the real...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/tmi-2.html

On my first boat, that was an acronym for People Against People Ever Re-enlisting - Civilian Life Is Preferred. We had other anti-retention organizations as well, like "HORMONAL". I'd like to say...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/let-it-go.html

This one's pretty bad: "Depth Charge", on Spike TV. It popped up on my TiVo last weekend, so I gave it a try tonight. What a hacker! Someone tried to cross-breed Under Siege with Crimson Tide, po...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/another-dumbass-sub-movie.html

I was actually in decent shape when I joined the Navy. Throughout high school I was pretty active in sports (football, soccer, and wrestling), not because I was some jock douche nozzle but becaus...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/purposeless-required-test-prt.html

Well, the LEAN event I've been stuck at for the last week is wrapping up tomorrow, and the only thing I've ever seen that was a bigger waste of time was our annual SPRUCE back in Pearl. We showed...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/lean-that.html

Pearl Harbor, early Nineties. I'd reached a point where I was happy getting drunk in my room on the weekends, having finally come to accept the utter futility of club'ing as a way to get laid. As...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/phone-sex-girl.html

I'd been in the Navy about five years before I got a chance to come home and visit, and then it was only because the boat I was on happened to stop off in Seattle on the way to Olympia. There wer...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/recognizing-art.html

Is LEAN the most fucked-up thing to happen to the U.S. Navy sailor since they took away our grog, or is it just me? I studiously avoided attending their indoctrination classes for years, but toda...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/lean-this.html

One of the numerous reasons that Civilian Life Is Preferred (or "clip", as in the paper clip surreptitiously peaking out of my chest pocket) is that, as a civilian employee, you can pretty much t...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-wife-she.html

Believe it or not, there was a time when the coners had ratings other than MM, ET, and COOK. Back then, there was this weird little rate known as "IC man", who's insignia was a phone handset over...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/shaved-hampster.html

Five years ago, the Army decided to try a new approach in their attempt to improve their horrible recruitment rates: using a video game to lure unsuspecting children, much like a modern-day ginge...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/americas-navy-video-game.html

The Philippines. Would any collection of lies and slander like the EM Log be complete without a few PI stories? I think not. Unfortunately, all the best ones are NSFW (where I am right now, suppo...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/another-pi-story.html

On a hot summer day like today my thoughts turn to the picnics I used to go to when I was younger; most of which were sponsored by the Navy. I loved when my dad's command would have a picnic - th...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/navy-picnics.html

The Burners are A-gang toys in AMR used to remove hydrogen and carbon monoxide (the last is courtesy of you smokers, thanks). Here's an article about them if this interests you, or you've brain d...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/burner.html

Ah, your rack. Even the beds in an RV look spacious in comparison, but there's no place you'd rather be after a 20-hour "normal" work day at sea. If you're lucky (or on a boomer) you may even get...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/in-honor-of-racks.html

Growing up with a dad in the Navy, we mostly lived in Navy housing. It seemed like we moved ever two years or so, and always from one end of the earth to another. I got to see a lot of different ...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/housing.html

Some day I’ll meet the engineer who designed the MG brush rigging, and I’ve promised myself I’m going to kick his nuts up around his ears for every time I had to try swapping out brushes at...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/fun-with-liquid-nitrogen.html

My first real shore duty was at radcon in Pearl Harbor as a RCT. I honestly don’t know how I got tapped for the admin officer job, since this was a considerably better deal than being an RCT an...

http://em-log.blogspot.com/2009/03/lieutenant.html