SKYPAUL

CAN YOU CLAIM TO BE PERCHED ATOP THE SLIPPERY SLOPE THAT LEADS TO HUMAN-PILLOW MARRIAGE? NO? THEN SHUT UP.

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DREAMING OF WRITING WITH BASEBALL DIRT? WAKE UP & TRY THIS! CAUTION: DIRT IS AN UNRELIABLE INK SURROGATE

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DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU? USE OUR MEGA EYE-CONTACT-BREAKER™ AT YOUR NEXT DINNER PARTY & FIND OUT!

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OWN THE POSTER THAT OFFICIALLY DROVE A PHRASE INTO THE GROUND! “WINE OVER” TO YOUR CREDIT CARD NOW!

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THE POPULAR RAINY-DAY GAME “WHICH ONE IS A DOG AGAIN?” LEAPS OFF OF THE BOARD AND INTO REAL LIFE!

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HOLDS THE PRECISE AMOUNT OF WINE NEEDED TO DRINK YOURSELF INTO FEELING CERTAIN THAT YOU HAVE GOOD TASTE!

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YOUR HUMILIATIONS AT ATTEMPTING TO FLY A KITE ON CALM DAYS ARE OVER! FLY A KITE ANY TIME, WITH STIFFKITE!™

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STUPID AND PRETENTIOUS? GOOD NEWS– THE LITLAMP™ READS BOOKS FOR YOU! *LAMP CANNOT SHARE CONTENTS OF BOOK 

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THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THAT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE WHO WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT BLACK MIRROR, PROBABLY!

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THE DEATH OF A PET ALLOWS US TO TAKE OUR PRESUMPTIONS OF THEIR AFFECTIONS FOR US TO THE NEXT LEVEL!

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JUST ONE NIGHT CUDDLING WITH THE BREATHSTEALERZ™ WILL TEACH YOUR CHILD VALUABLE LESSONS ABOUT FEAR!

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PLAY CHESS AS THEY DID IN OLDEN TIMES, WHEN ONE PLAYER WAS FORBIDDEN ACCESS TO THE BOARD & DRIVEN INSANE!

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IMPORTANT: FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES ONLY. UPON GIVING, REMIND RECIPIENT THAT SOME FOOD-SHAPED THINGS ARE NOT FOOD.

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WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BUY ONE OF THESE FUCKING THINGS ALREADY I MEAN GODDAMMIT 2013

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NO SENSE OF HUMOR? LOVE EXPLAINING THINGS? HATE BEING UNDERSTOOD? HERE’S A SHIRT FOR YOU! YOU MAKE ME SAD! 2013

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CLINICALLY PROVEN! PUT THIS MONEY BELT ON YOUR HEAD AND BE TRANSFORMED INTO DEBBIE GIBSON!  2013

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SOON OUR CONSCIOUSNESSES WILL ALL LIVE ONLINE, OVERSEEN BY KATE HUDSON. MAYBE BUY HER A MUG OR SOMETHING! 2013

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OLD-SCHOOL CATHOLIC? HATE DOGS? BANISH THEM TO HOME LIMBO FOR DOGS! HOME LIMBO FOR DOGS! HOME LIMBO FOR DOGS! 2013

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LET YOUR CHILD EXPERIENCE THE GUILT AND REGRET OF ROBERT OPPENHEIMER WITH OUR “HOUSE-BURNER-DOWNER”! 2013

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THE BEAUTIFUL GEMSTONES ON THIS RING HAVE BEEN SPECIALLY CUT TO MAKE YOU LOOK ALMOST LIKE JENNIFER ANISTON.  2013

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