MINNEAPOLIS—Addressing the online trolling of her former partners ahead of the release of her next rerecorded album, Speak Now, Taylor Swift reportedly took a moment Saturday night during a pe...
CHICAGO—In a major breakthrough for reproductive health, scientists at the University of Chicago announced Monday that they have developed an even more painful form of female contraception. “...
EMERYVILLE, CA—Announcing that the beloved widower from Up would return to screens this weekend, Pixar Animation Studios confirmed Tuesday that its newest short film featured Carl Fredricksen...
BUTNER, NC—Gathering in a circle as they admired the neatly wrapped package, prison officials confirmed Monday that they had found a beautiful present left for them in the late Ted Kaczynski’...
INDIANAPOLIS—Announcing that landmark new laboratory methods had made the once dreamed-of medication a reality, pharmaceutical company Eli Lilly unveiled insulin Wednesday that doesn’t work ...
MINNEAPOLIS—Responding to conservative backlash over a large selection of offerings for the month of June, Target announced Friday that they would scale back their gay pride section to a single...
CHATTANOOGA, TN—Admitting that they gave themselves fully over to the heat of the moment, local Christian couple Ben Higgins and Miranda Franklin reportedly ended a blowout fight Monday with a ...
CHICAGO—Following a widely shared post that sparked debate and confusion among online factions of every stripe, the internet was reportedly divided Thursday over a video that documented a Black...
NEW YORK—Pointing out possible clues hidden in the lyrics, Taylor Swift fans were reportedly speculating Friday who the pop star might be talking about in her new song “My Weird Little Racist...
NEW YORK—With the beloved characters joyously sharing the warmth of Yuletide cheer as snow fell gently upon Manhattan, HBO’s hit drama Succession concluded Sunday with the Roy family saving...
TALLAHASSEE, FL—In a sweeping effort to curtail what he called “woke gender ideology,” Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed a new bill into law Wednesday banning men from becoming nurses. “Im...
JACKSONVILLE, FL—Expressing concern that he might have played up his facility with witchcraft and dark magic at the expense of other qualifications, local man Timothy Sellers told reporters Tue...
WASHINGTON—In response to the ongoing loneliness epidemic in the United States, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned Americans Monday that they should avoid becoming so lonely that they cry a li...
SARASOTA, FL—Gasping with joy as his father revealed the graduation gift, local wealthy child Scott Hoffman thanked his parents Tuesday after they surprised him with a judge who would let him o...
PORTLAND, ME—Asserting that the correlations were there if you just paid attention, local conspiracy theorist Paul McLaughlin was reportedly convinced Wednesday that the entire universe was con...
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LOS ANGELES—Awestruck bystanders at a violent police altercation Thursday reported that one local cop looked like John Wick out there with those unarmed kids. “That cop was like, bam! bam! ba...
WASHINGTON—Picking up thousands of incapacitated Americans by their wrists and ankles and tossing them down to the sidewalks below, Covid-19 patients were reportedly flung out of hospital windo...
AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to provide students with everything they need to know about sexual development, sexual intercourse, and pregnancy, an updated sex ed curriculum instituted Wednesday acro...
MCLEAN, VA—Noting there would be no effect on the product’s appearance or taste, M&M’s announced Tuesday that 1 in every 100 of the company’s candies would now act as an abortion pill. �...