Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
“YOU MUST SEE THE LION KING.” The last time you were in New York, Michael Bloomberg was mayor and nobody knew what a cronut was. “WHY NOT TRY KAYAKING ON THE HUDSON?” You do not actua...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/what-your-new-york-city-tourist-recommendation-says-about-you
“The Supreme Court hears Trump’s claim to ‘absolute immunity.’ The justices are considering whether the former president must face trial on charges that he tried to subvert the 2020 elec...
A 2023 Column Contest grand-prize winner, Laurence Pevsner’s SORRY NOT SORRY investigates why we’re sick of everyone apologizing all the time—and how the collapse of the public apology lea...
Hey there, Kinzleigh. Take a seat by my desk, crisscross applesauce. As you may know, this year’s Take Your Child to Work Day coincides with our annual performance review period. We felt it wou...
Writing is an often solitary process, but it rarely happens alone. This brief email, which I hemmed and hawed over for seven weeks before finally dashing it off and sending it in a thoroughly unc...
HA! A mistaken vocal inflection produced by the waitress when you mentioned you have a boat. OH! Often produced involuntarily when you realize you are much kinkier than you thought you were. ...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/comic-book-onomatopoeia-and-their-real-world-counterparts
Dear valued customers, Here at Weird Sisters Soups & Brines, our top priority has always been to prepare nourishing, ready-to-eat soups, enjoyable alone or with the whole clan. After a long day...
When COVID struck Rebecca Saltzman’s family, the virus unmasked a life-changing discovery: her husband and two of their kids had genetic heart disease. The kind where people drop dead. As their...
1. Patience is key. 2. Remember to take breaks for self-care. 3. And don’t forget to go to the bathroom. 4. It’s better to make slow progress with the pieces than no progress on the puz...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/life-lessons-and-dating-advice-i-learned-from-jigsaw-puzzles
Originally published April 15, 2022 - - - Wow, guys, this is deeply uncool. After all these years, I finally make it to a Passover Seder, only to find you polished off the only cup of wine spe...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/hello-its-me-elijah-whos-the-jerk-who-drank-my-cup-of-wine
Well, look at you. You’re all so brand spanking new, shiny, and gleaming. The world was made for the likes of you as you are now. Young. Supple. Idealistic. Yes, even the goths with their cloak...
Sega fanatics and pancake aficionados rejoiced last week as the International House of Pancakes dropped their latest collab. These six foodstuffs, inspired by America’s favorite blue hedgehog, ...
HE’S YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER, AND YOU LIVE IN HIS HOUSE. Not a red flag. Not for you at least. As the person in the higher class, he is the one with the most to lose. For you, there is nowhere t...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/is-it-a-red-flag-jane-eyre-edition
In THIS COLUMN , Kristen Mulrooney writes letters to famous mothers from literature, TV, and film whom she finds herself relating to on a different level now that she’s a mom herself. - - - ...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/a-letter-to-alison-in-knocked-up
The LiveJournal community, circa 2005 The university café where English adjuncts hold their office hours My tenth-grade ELA class when I ask them to write one (1) poem The subject line of ...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/other-things-that-could-be-called-the-tortured-poets-department
Hi, sweetie. Remember how you told me that your childhood crush was Laura Ingalls Wilder? And that you think America is in the toilet? Well, you’re about to have all your home-churned-butter dr...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/good-news-husband-ive-become-a-tradwife
- - - In August 2022 I received an email asking if I would like to read Sam Sax’s debut novel with an eye towards possibly becoming the book’s editor. I said yes immediately, and read Yr...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/an-interview-with-sam-sax-about-their-new-book-yr-dead
If you think a piece is 100 percent done, it’s actually 45 percent done. To get it to 100 percent done, you can’t. If you think you need “just a few more hours,” you really need a few m...
With apologies to Thin Lizzy . - - - Guess who just got back today? Mothers, lock up your daughters, because after five long decades away raising our families and building careers of varying s...
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-boys-are-back-in-town-for-johnnys-funeral