While waiting to board my recent flight, I sat amazed by the number of passenger classifications who were welcomed onto the plane before me. By the time they got to calling the Basic Economy g...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2019/04/a-third-elephants-tale.html
I always knew I was different. Thanks to my brother’s research on Ancestry.com, I know why. Springing from closets, slithering out of old books and pictures, arising from graveyards across ...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2019/02/bigamists-bearded-women-and-hairy.html
Not well anyway. Ahead of a recent physical a sadistic nurse handed me a teeny--tiny bathroom cup and asked me to fill it to a very high line. The cup laughed at me. If it were a Dixie Riddle...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2018/12/big-girls-dont-pee-in-cups.html
You can get into big trouble trying to diagnose your own ailments on the computer. As tempting as it is, there is no substitute for a medical degree, a cold stethoscope and a scale that adds ...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2012/07/it-doesnt-exactly-roll-off-tongue.html
Last night we attended a “Huey Lewis and the News” concert. Huey’s still got it: the fantastic voice, the hair, the muscles and the jeans-friendly body. OK, I'm back. At the entran...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2012/05/huey-lewis-and-50-shades-of-grey.html
A blogger friend of mine sent challenged me to write 7 facts about myself. Opening the door into Heidi’s “Fact safe”…creeeeeaaakkkkk: 1. I spent a night with Elvis Pre...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2012/05/seven-facts-to-blow-your-mind.html
Approximately 3 times a year, I treat myself to a pedicure at a nail salon. Approximately 3 times a year, the nail technicians at the nail salon run to the back room and to do “Rock, Paper, ...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2012/05/equine-therapy-heidi-gets-pedicure.html
I hardly ever do this...but...does this fur coat make me look fat? HELLO?! HELLO??? That's all Dr. Phil's rep says when I call to describe my friend's problem. It's like they can't even hear...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2012/02/return-of-twittering-bunny.html
I've never been that person in the gym locker who walks around nude. In our gym locker room, I am often called upon to talk to women who do walk around nude. Somehow, they don’t seem to ca...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-hear-naked-people_05.html
Enlisting help in Christmas Cookie making from my daughter, Krista, should make it more fun and less frenzied. She is artistic and loves to decorate, but in this kitchen, with time constraints...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/12/christmas-miraclethe-transformation.html
I earned a bad reputation for myself at a company potluck when I accidentally added a plastic-sealed recipe fold-out to my batch of fudge. “What are these layers made of?” one executive ...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/11/putting-luck-in-pot-luck.html
My family is nuts They brought me to the grandparent’s house, leashed me to a shade tree, left me a bowl of water and patted my head. They were gone for 2 hours (that’s 14 in dog hours...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-think-youve-got-it-ruff.html
Jasmine, our Golden Retriever, needed a special bath to help sooth a skin irritation. My idea was to shear her so the bath concoction would penetrate better. I have a friend who shaves baby c...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-god-animals-are-covered-in-hair.html
The first time my oldest son, David, was terrorized by a butterfly, he was 3. He was sitting in a shopping cart in a flower nursery when one landed right on his nose and wouldn’t move. He cried...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/07/butterfly-enemy-1-and-2-and-maybe-3.html
Because I have a lot of experience in what not to do--Here come the wedding “I never-dos”: 1. Brides--Never, EVER pretend to throw the bouquet. I was 20 the first time I tried to catch ...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/06/i-never-do.html
THIS IS NOT MEANT TO REPLACE YOUR ANNUAL PHYSICAL, MAMMOGRAM, PAP-SMEAR OR PROSTATE CHECK. We all remember “The MOVIE” right? They put the boys in one room, the girls in the other to teac...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/05/aunt-heidi-speaks-on-mature-body.html
Anyone out there who has hyperventilated blowing out trick birthday candles; who’s had 20 friends startle you in a darkened room; or who’s been attacked by 30 pink flamingos on your front l...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/05/ive-mounted-way-more-than-my-share-of.html
I had a job interview yesterday. It was mental and physical Get-A-Job Olympics. We began with the: JOB APPLICANT TRIATHLON In retrospect, it seemed a whole lot like they were adminis...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/03/please-dont-let-me-sound-like-charlie.html
My pants fell down in public this morning. I just thought you should know that up front. It was a “Perfect Storm” when it came to conditions of my “self-pantsing”: · ...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/02/did-you-see-that-half-naked-woman-in.html
They're coming. Soon, they'll be out there, canvassing neighborhoods and popping up at football parties. Their mothers will be holding brochures luring us to buy their cookies? I can only h...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/02/beware-of-little-green-sash-cookie.html
I had a terrible cold for A MONTH. I have “Seven Dwarf” symptoms too-- Dopey, Sleepy, Sneezy and Grouchy. I’m thinking I need Doc, but I know what she’ll say: “It’s a Virus.�...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/01/ooo-eee-ooo-ah-ahchoo.html
Yesterday, I found two Godiva chocolate bars as I was going to put in my kids’ Christmas stockings. I ate them like Scarlett O’Hara, filthy from the war, mauled that dusty radish on Tara. ...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2011/01/ohhhhh-ffffffudge.html
Do Rabbits get hernias? If not, I think I need some stronger back teeth. Are you following me? Cause if you're following me, I'm going to stand stone still, twitch and then run away. I ...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2010/12/bunny-tweets-again.html
I'd give anything for a good old fashioned dysfunctional family holiday this year. Hey! If your relatives don’t always mesh, and you’d like to brighten your nerve wracking events, try...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2010/12/have-happy-dysfunctional-holiday-game.html
Enter Heidi's House of Horrible Holiday Misfit Treats and enjoy: Sperm Cookies Mouse Cookies gone wrong. Instead of darling little cookies that look like mice, a simple margarine mistake lat...
http://heidiinwisconsin.blogspot.com/2010/11/misfit-christmas-treats.html