(sexual orientation at the bottom) I started tumblr at we’ll just
say 18. I joined tumblr more to be self destructive than anything
else. At the time I had no self confidence and truly thought I was
ugly and worthless because everyone told me I was or made me feel that
way. When I created my first account I was suffering from depression
and had become addicted to self mutilation. It had gotten to the point
I needed to cut daily and I started losing my mind over it. I am
slightly OCD and quite ritualistic in a lot of things, including my
self mutilation. I had started with breaking razors as everyone does
but I moved on to surgical scalpels to ensure sterilization and
precision. This last sentence gets people wondering why would things
like that matter and from personal experience I can honestly say,
cutting is for attention. When I was a cutter I’d have fought you to
the death over saying it was just for attention but now looking back,
I was always so desperate for someone to notice and ask me if I was ok
though it took over 6 months before anyone had noticed how badly I was
struggling. It took me another 6 months to stop cutting and another
couple of years to break from my depression. When I was in high school
a picture of me got sent around school, everyone saw it. At first I
thought it was embarrassing and I just ignored it; then everyone
started calling me “tripod” and for a boy with no self confidence,
this was a game changer. Originally I figured it wouldn’t go
anywhere and I’d be throwing my dignity away but something told me I
should so I made a tumblr and started posting pics. To my surprise,
from the start it was nothing but positive feedback and as someone who
hated themselves, I ate it up. Over time I learned to appreciate
myself and let other wonderful things come into my life that would
have never before. I think depression can be overcome with a few
things: Supportive friends/family, identifying the underlying cause,
and the ability to completely forgive and forget what that problem is.
For me it was a specific person who brought most of my depression,
caused my self mutilation and low self esteem.. Seems hard to forgive
those sort of things but I have entirely and now I am perfectly fine
with that person. Everyone is beautiful but beauty is something you
must earn… and the only judge is yourself. I am straight but love
all of my followers, male or female. Thank you all for taking the time
to read my story!
