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A Girl Called Ali

Name: Ali Age: 21 Bisexual and proud Everyone has a story, here is mine. I have not always had an easy life. You can probably tell that just by looking at me because I have a craniofacial disorder called Apert’s syndrome, which fuses the bones in the hands, skull, arms, and feet. Over the course of my life, from infancy up to now, I’ve had 25 surgeries to “alter” it or in better terms, to better my health. However, I am still quite proud of who I am even though I also deal with a hearing loss, sleep apnea, breathing problems, frequent seizures, headaches, and body pain. That is not all. I am a survivor of every kind of abuse. From elementary through high school, I have been bullied by other students because of the way I look despite my bright and kind personality. I was also neglected and isolated, sometimes having no-one to socialize with, alone. I am pleased to say I did have some amazing friends that have stayed by my side through thick and thin and who I remain in very close contact with even to this day. However, I used to think they were only spending time with me or being nice to me in order to look good and gain popularity so they could then leave me to spend time with others. It sounds stupid but it’s the truth. I no longer believe this and I am very careful who I choose for friends. As I proceeded on to high school, I was unfortunately still naive and innocent as well as socially isolated which lead to me being sexually assaulted as well as cheated on and bullied by both male and female students. It was horrible, I started distancing myself from others, having periods of sadness and anxiety. Thankfully, after my freshman year, the abuse ceased and I had my first boyfriend for two years, an amazing two years, we were two crazy kids in love, it was like we were in a Nicholas Sparks novel. Yeah, we had our ups and downs due to his autism and my sensitivities, and we had multiple break-ups, misunderstandings, and fights, but we still cared about each other deeply. However, in the spring of my junior year of high school, we broke up and my emotions began to spiral downward. Not because of the breakup but because the abuse began again, most of it I did to myself since I felt alone and scared. Luckily, I began to see a therapist, however I was not properly diagnosed or treated for anything, so I had to heal on my own with the support of my friends and family. During my senior year, I came out as bisexual after falling for a female friend and realizing I had always been attracted to both girls and boys. It was an amazing time for me, although I still struggled with depression and I attempted suicide, which was unknown to my parents. So I stopped seeing my therapist since I was no longer a miner and she refused to properly diagnose and treat my depression so I moved on into college. College was much more emotional and wild and I have to admit, every day that I wake up and get through is truly a blessing. Fighting the urge to cut, starve, end it all is hard but I manage to. The abuse continued, it was mainly psychological, I felt like a rag doll being thrown around, lied to, torn, used up. It was a nightmare, I felt more lost and scared than ever before. The summer before my second year of college I attempted suicide again and I had a dangerous addiction to self-harm. Luckily, my second therapist who properly diagnosed with me with clinical depression admitted me into the Behavioral Health Center or “psychiatric ward” at Kaiser. I stayed there for a total of two days and from those two days, I learned so much about how to take care of myself, how to heal, how to make the right choices and move on. It was hard to hold myself together in a ward full of screaming, violent patients, but I still pulled through. I missed fall quarter, but I still marched forward. The abuse continued, I actually relapsed the summer of my sophomore year due to problems in my family so I went back to the hospital and then to a halfway house. It was again quite overwhelming and emotional for me, but also for my parents because knowing I wanted to end it all was a huge wake up call for me. They’ve always known that I had flaws yet I was never open with them about it so these events definitely brought us somewhat closer. There have been and still are times where they can be quite abusive and very disrespectful of my sensitivities, but they are truly the best parents ever and we have always been an amazing time with the 25 surgeries, doctor’s visits, hospital stays, and several seizures, episodes, panic attacks, and breathing problems. As I moved on, I endured several more obstacles doing several things I regret on the way such as hurting people that I loved, but I was still considerate and kind, becoming stronger, smarter, and more mature then before. It is always important to forgive yourself and I did even though I continued letting myself be hurt. I was raped twice during my junior year of college, the second in my own bed. The first man, Frank, cut me open, gave me a yeast infection, and caused me to have a surgery that took 6 months to heal from. I still have the marks on my body where he touched me and they still hurt sometimes while the memories haunt me. During that period along with interviews with the police, treatment at a sexual/physical/emotional assault center, and doctor appointments, I was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder as well as given pills by my psyciatrist to help with my depression, anxiety, and my nightmares. It’s been a hard couple of months, I still have flashbacks and I thought I would never heal. I thought I would never find the light. But then, in September of 2014, I found HIM: William Chiles, the love of my life on OkCupid. He put me back together, he stole my heart and he healed it, he made me smile for the first time, a real smile. He makes me cry tears of joy, he makes me feel beautiful, loved, safe, good. It’s been hard with the distance and the fact that we’re both broke and he has trouble working due to his ADHD and his anger issues, but we finally met after a year and it strengthened our love, it brought us closer than ever before. I love him so much, it’s gonna probably be really hard but he is so worth it and he is definitely the man I want to be with forever ~ 9/14/2014

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Name: Ali Age: 21 Bisexual and proud Everyone has a story, here is mine. I have not always had an easy life. You can probably tell that just by looking at me because I have a craniofacial disorder called Apert’s syndrome, which fuses the bones in the hands, skull, arms, and feet. Over the course of my life, from infancy up to now, I’ve had 25 surgeries to “alter” it or in better terms, to better my health. However, I am still quite proud of who I am even though I also deal with a hearing loss, sleep apnea, breathing problems, frequent seizures, headaches, and body pain. That is not all. I am a survivor of every kind of abuse. From elementary through high school, I have been bullied by other students because of the way I look despite my bright and kind personality. I was also neglected and isolated, sometimes having no-one to socialize with, alone. I am pleased to say I did have some amazing friends that have stayed by my side through thick and thin and who I remain in very close contact with even to this day. However, I used to think they were only spending time with me or being nice to me in order to look good and gain popularity so they could then leave me to spend time with others. It sounds stupid but it’s the truth. I no longer believe this and I am very careful who I choose for friends. As I proceeded on to high school, I was unfortunately still naive and innocent as well as socially isolated which lead to me being sexually assaulted as well as cheated on and bullied by both male and female students. It was horrible, I started distancing myself from others, having periods of sadness and anxiety. Thankfully, after my freshman year, the abuse ceased and I had my first boyfriend for two years, an amazing two years, we were two crazy kids in love, it was like we were in a Nicholas Sparks novel. Yeah, we had our ups and downs due to his autism and my sensitivities, and we had multiple break-ups, misunderstandings, and fights, but we still cared about each other deeply. However, in the spring of my junior year of high school, we broke up and my emotions began to spiral downward. Not because of the breakup but because the abuse began again, most of it I did to myself since I felt alone and scared. Luckily, I began to see a therapist, however I was not properly diagnosed or treated for anything, so I had to heal on my own with the support of my friends and family. During my senior year, I came out as bisexual after falling for a female friend and realizing I had always been attracted to both girls and boys. It was an amazing time for me, although I still struggled with depression and I attempted suicide, which was unknown to my parents. So I stopped seeing my therapist since I was no longer a miner and she refused to properly diagnose and treat my depression so I moved on into college. College was much more emotional and wild and I have to admit, every day that I wake up and get through is truly a blessing. Fighting the urge to cut, starve, end it all is hard but I manage to. The abuse continued, it was mainly psychological, I felt like a rag doll being thrown around, lied to, torn, used up. It was a nightmare, I felt more lost and scared than ever before. The summer before my second year of college I attempted suicide again and I had a dangerous addiction to self-harm. Luckily, my second therapist who properly diagnosed with me with clinical depression admitted me into the Behavioral Health Center or “psychiatric ward” at Kaiser. I stayed there for a total of two days and from those two days, I learned so much about how to take care of myself, how to heal, how to make the right choices and move on. It was hard to hold myself together in a ward full of screaming, violent patients, but I still pulled through. I missed fall quarter, but I still marched forward. The abuse continued, I actually relapsed the summer of my sophomore year due to problems in my family so I went back to the hospital and then to a halfway house. It was again quite overwhelming and emotional for me, but also for my parents because knowing I wanted to end it all was a huge wake up call for me. They’ve always known that I had flaws yet I was never open with them about it so these events definitely brought us somewhat closer. There have been and still are times where they can be quite abusive and very disrespectful of my sensitivities, but they are truly the best parents ever and we have always been an amazing time with the 25 surgeries, doctor’s visits, hospital stays, and several seizures, episodes, panic attacks, and breathing problems. As I moved on, I endured several more obstacles doing several things I regret on the way such as hurting people that I loved, but I was still considerate and kind, becoming stronger, smarter, and more mature then before. It is always important to forgive yourself and I did even though I continued letting myself be hurt. I was raped twice during my junior year of college, the second in my own bed. The first man, Frank, cut me open, gave me a yeast infection, and caused me to have a surgery that took 6 months to heal from. I still have the marks on my body where he touched me and they still hurt sometimes while the memories haunt me. During that period along with interviews with the police, treatment at a sexual/physical/emotional assault center, and doctor appointments, I was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder as well as given pills by my psyciatrist to help with my depression, anxiety, and my nightmares. It’s been a hard couple of months, I still have flashbacks and I thought I would never heal. I thought I would never find the light. But then, in September of 2014, I found HIM: William Chiles, the love of my life on OkCupid. He put me back together, he stole my heart and he healed it, he made me smile for the first time, a real smile. He makes me cry tears of joy, he makes me feel beautiful, loved, safe, good. It’s been hard with the distance and the fact that we’re both broke and he has trouble working due to his ADHD and his anger issues, but we finally met after a year and it strengthened our love, it brought us closer than ever before. I love him so much, it’s gonna probably be really hard but he is so worth it and he is definitely the man I want to be with forever ~ 9/14/2014

https://mygardenoffantasies.tumblr.com/post/712186192333045760

Photo

Name: Ali Age: 21 Bisexual and proud Everyone has a story, here is mine. I have not always had an easy life. You can probably tell that just by looking at me because I have a craniofacial disorder called Apert’s syndrome, which fuses the bones in the hands, skull, arms, and feet. Over the course of my life, from infancy up to now, I’ve had 25 surgeries to “alter” it or in better terms, to better my health. However, I am still quite proud of who I am even though I also deal with a hearing loss, sleep apnea, breathing problems, frequent seizures, headaches, and body pain. That is not all. I am a survivor of every kind of abuse. From elementary through high school, I have been bullied by other students because of the way I look despite my bright and kind personality. I was also neglected and isolated, sometimes having no-one to socialize with, alone. I am pleased to say I did have some amazing friends that have stayed by my side through thick and thin and who I remain in very close contact with even to this day. However, I used to think they were only spending time with me or being nice to me in order to look good and gain popularity so they could then leave me to spend time with others. It sounds stupid but it’s the truth. I no longer believe this and I am very careful who I choose for friends. As I proceeded on to high school, I was unfortunately still naive and innocent as well as socially isolated which lead to me being sexually assaulted as well as cheated on and bullied by both male and female students. It was horrible, I started distancing myself from others, having periods of sadness and anxiety. Thankfully, after my freshman year, the abuse ceased and I had my first boyfriend for two years, an amazing two years, we were two crazy kids in love, it was like we were in a Nicholas Sparks novel. Yeah, we had our ups and downs due to his autism and my sensitivities, and we had multiple break-ups, misunderstandings, and fights, but we still cared about each other deeply. However, in the spring of my junior year of high school, we broke up and my emotions began to spiral downward. Not because of the breakup but because the abuse began again, most of it I did to myself since I felt alone and scared. Luckily, I began to see a therapist, however I was not properly diagnosed or treated for anything, so I had to heal on my own with the support of my friends and family. During my senior year, I came out as bisexual after falling for a female friend and realizing I had always been attracted to both girls and boys. It was an amazing time for me, although I still struggled with depression and I attempted suicide, which was unknown to my parents. So I stopped seeing my therapist since I was no longer a miner and she refused to properly diagnose and treat my depression so I moved on into college. College was much more emotional and wild and I have to admit, every day that I wake up and get through is truly a blessing. Fighting the urge to cut, starve, end it all is hard but I manage to. The abuse continued, it was mainly psychological, I felt like a rag doll being thrown around, lied to, torn, used up. It was a nightmare, I felt more lost and scared than ever before. The summer before my second year of college I attempted suicide again and I had a dangerous addiction to self-harm. Luckily, my second therapist who properly diagnosed with me with clinical depression admitted me into the Behavioral Health Center or “psychiatric ward” at Kaiser. I stayed there for a total of two days and from those two days, I learned so much about how to take care of myself, how to heal, how to make the right choices and move on. It was hard to hold myself together in a ward full of screaming, violent patients, but I still pulled through. I missed fall quarter, but I still marched forward. The abuse continued, I actually relapsed the summer of my sophomore year due to problems in my family so I went back to the hospital and then to a halfway house. It was again quite overwhelming and emotional for me, but also for my parents because knowing I wanted to end it all was a huge wake up call for me. They’ve always known that I had flaws yet I was never open with them about it so these events definitely brought us somewhat closer. There have been and still are times where they can be quite abusive and very disrespectful of my sensitivities, but they are truly the best parents ever and we have always been an amazing time with the 25 surgeries, doctor’s visits, hospital stays, and several seizures, episodes, panic attacks, and breathing problems. As I moved on, I endured several more obstacles doing several things I regret on the way such as hurting people that I loved, but I was still considerate and kind, becoming stronger, smarter, and more mature then before. It is always important to forgive yourself and I did even though I continued letting myself be hurt. I was raped twice during my junior year of college, the second in my own bed. The first man, Frank, cut me open, gave me a yeast infection, and caused me to have a surgery that took 6 months to heal from. I still have the marks on my body where he touched me and they still hurt sometimes while the memories haunt me. During that period along with interviews with the police, treatment at a sexual/physical/emotional assault center, and doctor appointments, I was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder as well as given pills by my psyciatrist to help with my depression, anxiety, and my nightmares. It’s been a hard couple of months, I still have flashbacks and I thought I would never heal. I thought I would never find the light. But then, in September of 2014, I found HIM: William Chiles, the love of my life on OkCupid. He put me back together, he stole my heart and he healed it, he made me smile for the first time, a real smile. He makes me cry tears of joy, he makes me feel beautiful, loved, safe, good. It’s been hard with the distance and the fact that we’re both broke and he has trouble working due to his ADHD and his anger issues, but we finally met after a year and it strengthened our love, it brought us closer than ever before. I love him so much, it’s gonna probably be really hard but he is so worth it and he is definitely the man I want to be with forever ~ 9/14/2014

https://mygardenoffantasies.tumblr.com/post/712089558278373376

Photo

Name: Ali Age: 21 Bisexual and proud Everyone has a story, here is mine. I have not always had an easy life. You can probably tell that just by looking at me because I have a craniofacial disorder called Apert’s syndrome, which fuses the bones in the hands, skull, arms, and feet. Over the course of my life, from infancy up to now, I’ve had 25 surgeries to “alter” it or in better terms, to better my health. However, I am still quite proud of who I am even though I also deal with a hearing loss, sleep apnea, breathing problems, frequent seizures, headaches, and body pain. That is not all. I am a survivor of every kind of abuse. From elementary through high school, I have been bullied by other students because of the way I look despite my bright and kind personality. I was also neglected and isolated, sometimes having no-one to socialize with, alone. I am pleased to say I did have some amazing friends that have stayed by my side through thick and thin and who I remain in very close contact with even to this day. However, I used to think they were only spending time with me or being nice to me in order to look good and gain popularity so they could then leave me to spend time with others. It sounds stupid but it’s the truth. I no longer believe this and I am very careful who I choose for friends. As I proceeded on to high school, I was unfortunately still naive and innocent as well as socially isolated which lead to me being sexually assaulted as well as cheated on and bullied by both male and female students. It was horrible, I started distancing myself from others, having periods of sadness and anxiety. Thankfully, after my freshman year, the abuse ceased and I had my first boyfriend for two years, an amazing two years, we were two crazy kids in love, it was like we were in a Nicholas Sparks novel. Yeah, we had our ups and downs due to his autism and my sensitivities, and we had multiple break-ups, misunderstandings, and fights, but we still cared about each other deeply. However, in the spring of my junior year of high school, we broke up and my emotions began to spiral downward. Not because of the breakup but because the abuse began again, most of it I did to myself since I felt alone and scared. Luckily, I began to see a therapist, however I was not properly diagnosed or treated for anything, so I had to heal on my own with the support of my friends and family. During my senior year, I came out as bisexual after falling for a female friend and realizing I had always been attracted to both girls and boys. It was an amazing time for me, although I still struggled with depression and I attempted suicide, which was unknown to my parents. So I stopped seeing my therapist since I was no longer a miner and she refused to properly diagnose and treat my depression so I moved on into college. College was much more emotional and wild and I have to admit, every day that I wake up and get through is truly a blessing. Fighting the urge to cut, starve, end it all is hard but I manage to. The abuse continued, it was mainly psychological, I felt like a rag doll being thrown around, lied to, torn, used up. It was a nightmare, I felt more lost and scared than ever before. The summer before my second year of college I attempted suicide again and I had a dangerous addiction to self-harm. Luckily, my second therapist who properly diagnosed with me with clinical depression admitted me into the Behavioral Health Center or “psychiatric ward” at Kaiser. I stayed there for a total of two days and from those two days, I learned so much about how to take care of myself, how to heal, how to make the right choices and move on. It was hard to hold myself together in a ward full of screaming, violent patients, but I still pulled through. I missed fall quarter, but I still marched forward. The abuse continued, I actually relapsed the summer of my sophomore year due to problems in my family so I went back to the hospital and then to a halfway house. It was again quite overwhelming and emotional for me, but also for my parents because knowing I wanted to end it all was a huge wake up call for me. They’ve always known that I had flaws yet I was never open with them about it so these events definitely brought us somewhat closer. There have been and still are times where they can be quite abusive and very disrespectful of my sensitivities, but they are truly the best parents ever and we have always been an amazing time with the 25 surgeries, doctor’s visits, hospital stays, and several seizures, episodes, panic attacks, and breathing problems. As I moved on, I endured several more obstacles doing several things I regret on the way such as hurting people that I loved, but I was still considerate and kind, becoming stronger, smarter, and more mature then before. It is always important to forgive yourself and I did even though I continued letting myself be hurt. I was raped twice during my junior year of college, the second in my own bed. The first man, Frank, cut me open, gave me a yeast infection, and caused me to have a surgery that took 6 months to heal from. I still have the marks on my body where he touched me and they still hurt sometimes while the memories haunt me. During that period along with interviews with the police, treatment at a sexual/physical/emotional assault center, and doctor appointments, I was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder as well as given pills by my psyciatrist to help with my depression, anxiety, and my nightmares. It’s been a hard couple of months, I still have flashbacks and I thought I would never heal. I thought I would never find the light. But then, in September of 2014, I found HIM: William Chiles, the love of my life on OkCupid. He put me back together, he stole my heart and he healed it, he made me smile for the first time, a real smile. He makes me cry tears of joy, he makes me feel beautiful, loved, safe, good. It’s been hard with the distance and the fact that we’re both broke and he has trouble working due to his ADHD and his anger issues, but we finally met after a year and it strengthened our love, it brought us closer than ever before. I love him so much, it’s gonna probably be really hard but he is so worth it and he is definitely the man I want to be with forever ~ 9/14/2014

https://mygardenoffantasies.tumblr.com/post/711333242440187904