“I’m not into anything weird. I’m not unique in any way. I like watching reality TV, Katy Perry, eating sandwiches, hanging out with my friends, going to Zumba, and reading spy thrillers. I...
“My favorite muppet is Fozzie …. you proud of yourself for asking that?”
“I’m often nervous in parks. I just want to go for a walk, but I’m afraid that when I walk past playgrounds parents will think I’m a pervert.”
“I just read an article about how beards are covered in fecal matter. Knowing where my beard has been and what my beard has done? I believe it.”
“I’ve tried every drug there is! When I was a teenager I was really into whip its and robotripping! Then I got way into oxi, and then crack! I was smoking crack like all day every day! I live...
“Guns don’t kill people; I kill people. I mean, people kill people. Not me. I’ve never killed anyone.”
“They say ‘eyes are the window to the soul,’ but I think teeth are. People seem to be a little put off by my teeth, but I just have so much soul my teeth just have to go wild!”
“It’s way better being a woman of a certain age. I haven’t had a stranger sit next to me on the bus and start a conversation in YEARS!”
“If I were a corgi, you would love me.”
“My favorite Springsteen song is probably ‘The Promised Land,’ and Darkness is my favorite album. But I also think Tunnel of Love is very underrated, and so is Devils & Dust. I heard on ...
“All I care about is The Boss. If you want to talk, that’s fine, but we’re talking about Bruce Springsteen.”
“All through college I thought I wanted to be a lawyer. And then all through law school I wanted to be a lawyer. It wasn’t until the day I passed the bar that I realized I never ever want to ...
“I could not care less who won some boxing match. Frankly, I’m not sure why other people do.”
“I know I’m not model good-looking or anything like that, but I’m confident! I walk down the street and I know that people are looking. As long as they don’t yell stuff at me, I’m total...
“I love pooping on the company dime! Every time I go to the bathroom at work I feel like I’m getting away with time theft!”
“I am too old for pizza bagels.”
“I know I don’t look it, but I’m a Mormon. I think a lot of people around Salt Lake are a little bit hesitant to tell strangers that they’re Mormon because they don’t want people to thi...
“Oh my god. It’s 11:00 a.m. and I’m drunk as shit. What am I doing with my life…………….”
“There are people at my apartment right now re-doing the roof. I absolutely cannot concentrate when shingles are literally raining down around me. It makes me feel guilty that they’re working...
“Being sisters can be fun, but mostly it’s a drag. She’s always borrowing my clothes.” “You can borrow my clothes if you want!” “Yeah, but the thing is, I don’t want.”